The jealousy I buried...

When my husband told me he was choosing to leave his company, I felt this wave of pride wash over me. He was being so brave. So decisive. So in tune with what he needed.

And then...a few hours later...something else crept in.

Jealousy.

Not the petty kind. The gut-punch kind. The kind that sits in your stomach like a pit...and just stays there.

Part of me thought: I wish this were me.

And then, almost immediately: But if it were me...I wouldn't take it.

That's where the shame hit. Not the jealousy itself...the honesty underneath it.

So rather than sitting with any of that...I buried it. All of it.

I pulled up spreadsheets. Calculated how long we could survive on one income. Started forwarding him job listings...prepping him for interviews...making sure he felt supported through every step of his transition.

I made his brave decision my new project.

(And honestly? It felt like relief.)

One of us HAD to keep the income steady. Otherwise...what? We'd end up homeless? On the street? I'd lie awake running these scenarios...each one more suffocating than the last.

So I kept showing up.

The weight on my shoulders was heaviest at work. Stuck in a job I no longer enjoyed...but convinced I had to be the hero.

It took a long time before I could see what the weight actually was...not just the burden, but the excuse.

Every time life handed me another reason to be "the responsible one," I grabbed it. Each one made me a little more miserable...and a little more convinced I had no choice.

And if I ever questioned the root of my unhappiness...I'd have to admit the person keeping me stuck wasn't my boss. Wasn't the economy. Wasn't even my husband.

It was me.

And once I finally saw that...everything started to shift. Not all at once. Not easily. But the moment I stopped carrying everyone else's needs as my reason not to face my own...the weight started to lift.

I was fluent in everyone else's needs...and completely lost when it came to my own. That gap has a name...self-fluency. And back then, I didn't even know it existed.

If you've ever stayed somewhere, not because it was right, but because someone needed you to...I get it.

Sometimes it's the most convincing hiding place there is.

✨ If nobody needed you to stay...what would you actually do? ✨

🪷 Nora